cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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