So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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