If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
