in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
