Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
