Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
