It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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