There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
