I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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