I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
