Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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