I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
