So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
