Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
