I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
