hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
