I think I just saw someone hide a body.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
