im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
