i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
