so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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