Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
