In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
