operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
pop tarts are not kleenex
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
