so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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