haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you would pick up someone in the library
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
