Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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