I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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