I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
