Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
