you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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