Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
