Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
