Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
