Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
