Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
