My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize