You work out of a Hotel?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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