Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
