I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
