who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
