best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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