Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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