I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize