she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
too bad you live with your parents still
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
