so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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