So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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