woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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