Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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