I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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