Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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