Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
