I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
