that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
