If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
