ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
