I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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