If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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