Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize