I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
