so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
