I didn't shave. On purpose
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
