I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
