Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
