Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
