oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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