I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he puts the penis in happiness.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
