she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
