I wish I could teleport
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
